1st Place (2004)

How Nursing Enriches My Humanity
by
Suzanne Taylor, RN, MSN

Ever since my father was diagnosed with (and subsequently treated for) prostate cancer, he has written an annual letter to my two sisters and me.  Every year I receive what I affectionately refer to as “The State of the Father Address” letter wherein my dad updates his 3 daughters on his physical well-being. He’ll include such statements as ‘my blood work looks great’ and ‘my chest x-ray is fine’ and will, of course, always include his PSA level.  And, because of his paternal nature, he’ll usually offer some fatherly advice such as “Pay off your home mortgages as soon as you can” and “Don’t fool around with the IRS!”  I look forward to this letter each year and I am continually in awe of how he ends each one, always in the same way.  He closes each letter with a postscript: “PS: I love you all the same.”  From the moment I first read that phrase (and for many years after), I remember thinking that this just couldn’t be true.  “There is no way you can love us all the same!  We’re talking about your 3 daughters that haven’t always been the ‘apple of your eye’!”  I could never comprehend my father’s unconditional love until many years after I became a nurse.  It was then I realized that this love was all just part of his humanity.  This led me to understand the wonder and power of my nursing profession and how it has enriched my humanity forever.

Webster defines humanity as the quality or condition of being human, human nature, the quality of being humane (tenderness, compassion, sympathy for others), kindness, benevolence (desire to do good to others, intended for benefit - not profit) and goodwill.  Real life defined humanity for me while I was a nurse in the Center for Newborn and Infant Critical Care (CNICC).  The years I spent on this very special unit taught me in real time what humanity really is.  While Webster can delineate what humanity means in words, being a registered nurse has etched an unalterable meaning into my heart forever.

So, to answer the question, “How has nursing enriched my humanity?”, let me count the ways.

Could it have been that night in the CNICC when I sat with a mother as we both waited for her infant daughter to die?  Was it that I witnessed the last hours of this precious baby’s life through the eyes of her mother?   Was it that I loved this child through her last breath of life?  Was it that I loved this child even after death, on the way to the morgue, and for a long time after?

Or was it that time when ECMO failed to save a baby’s life and I had to witness the doctor writing orders for the discontinuation of all treatment?  The subsequent chain of events still plays out in slow motion in my mind’s eye: a bolus of Fentanyl, the cannulaes cross-clamped, the ECMO pump turned off, and the ventilator disconnected.  I can still hear the quietness of the room getting louder and louder as each piece of equipment was turned off.  I can still see the tears in the eyes of the nurses in the room, as we loved this child into heaven.

Maybe it was that shift when the unit was so busy and everyone was helping each other.  The nursing teamwork was a sight to behold and I had two aching feet to prove it!  After having literally been on the go for 12 hours straight, my feet were throbbing so badly I could barely drive home (thank goodness for my Danskos).  But I would do it again and again for my fellow nurses as they continually did the same for me.  The tenderness, compassion, kindness and benevolence that we freely gave to one another were an art form of humanity like no other!

Perhaps it was when one of the CNICC Operations Managers unexpectedly died.  It plummeted the unit into a state of disbelief.  I had just talked with her the night before!  I’ll never forget the day of her funeral and how CHLA administrators enlisted nurses from other units to float to the CNICC to allow as many staff members as possible to attend the service.  I’ll never forget the funeral service – hundreds and hundreds of people were there.  Someone asked for all the nurses to stand up and almost the entire church rose to their feet.  As I looked around that day, I loved each and every one of them.

It might have been the experience of caring for preemies – especially the very low birth weight ones.  It is not possible to have the responsibility of caring for the tiniest neonates, with barely recognizable human forms, without it enhancing your humanity!  These precious infants, and the special care they required, constantly touched my heart with each interaction.  As per protocol, when I wrapped saran wrap over the sides of the bed to contain the warmth and humidity, I did it as lovingly as if it had been a soft, pink blanket tucking in the baby for a mid-day nap.  I loved these little ones as much as the cutest babies on the unit.   

After many years of being a nurse, I now know that all these moments and many more just like them have truly enriched my humanity.  My tenderness, sympathy and compassion have all greatly increased because I am a nurse.  To all the nurses with whom I’ve worked and the babies who were recipients of my personal care - I love you one and all – the good, the bad and the ugly.  You are all the same to me as my heart was touched by each encounter.  Now I can finally understand my father when he wrote, “PS: I love you all the same”.  Had I not become a nurse, I would have missed one of the best and most significant lessons of life.